#16. Welcoming introverts to church

Relocating always brings with it a lot of finding “new” everything. You have to find new doctors, new dentists, new veterinarians, new hair stylists, and on and on. It can be a tedious process. The one new thing that’s always a huge challenge for me is finding a new church.

Stimulation overload

Churches do their best to be welcoming but it can be a mixed bag. While some barely acknowledge newcomers, others go a little overboard. There are people waving at you as you pull into the parking lot. People holding the church door open for you and saying hello all at once. And still more inside waiting to guide you through the greeting gauntlet.

For an introvert, so many interactions before even making it into the sanctuary can be overwhelming. Especially when some of the greeters are exceedingly extroverted. These are the ones who want to hug you, pepper you with questions, while simultaneously greeting their friends coming in, handing you literature about the church, and providing directions to the bathrooms, coffee, and sanctuary, all with an early-morning, over-caffeinated  perkiness.

But wait! There’s more!

Sometimes the greeter at the door tips off the roaming greeters that newbies are here. They spot you, follow you to your seat, and stand hovering over you, with more questions, chatting, and giving information about the church.

We introverts are thinking, “Can we please just lower the lights and focus on the worship now!” But then the music starts, the smoke rolls, and the volume comes on strong. With all the stimulation you struggle to remember why you’re at church to begin with.

Then comes the dreaded meet-and-greet time. This is time when you are expected to look around you, say hello to all nearby, shake their hands, and then, often, step out of your row and continue to greet and be greeted by others for what seems like an eternity.

“Will the madness never stop?” we introverts wonder.

As a newcomer or visitor, these kinds of interactions wear me down. I’m truly glad when it all ends and the sermon starts. I know that now, for several minutes, I don’t have to interact with anyone, can focus on the message, and do a sort of mini-recharge.

A few tips for welcoming introverts

Introverts love being quietly acknowledged when visiting a new church. Here are some tips for doing just that:

1. Mirror the newcomers. Greeters should pay attention to how people respond when they are greeted and mirror that behavior. If the person is quiet, greet them quietly and let them move on.

2. Back off and be brief. In the sanctuary, don’t hover. If you want to greet a newbie, take a seat in front of them to chat at their level. Keep the interaction short.

3. Tone it down. Why is everything always so loud? Does the music really have to be as loud as you have it? Loud music and bright lights can be off-putting for introverts. Soften it down a bit.

4. Keep it simple. At meet and greet, simply encourage people to greet those around them. Don’t complicate it by telling people to find five other people they don’t know to share a 30 second life story. Allow people to greet one another as they are comfortable doing.

Churches love when new people show up. The tendency is to go all out to acknowledge them and make them feel appreciated. With introverts, less is more. Say hello to us, let us know you’re available if we have questions, then wait for us to come to you later. A quiet greeting will make us feel very warmly welcomed.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.

#15. Introverts in small groups

“Hi. My name is Stephen. I’m an introvert. It’s been three days since I’ve spoken to anyone, and that makes me happy. Please go away now.”

Is this how you think of introverts? If so, you’re wrong. Well, wrong-ish.

I am an introvert and I like people.

Thinking and thinking again before speaking

Most know that introverts need to get away from the crowds to recharge and that we often need time to process our responses. But have you thought about how introversion affects the experience of group Bible study?

For example, in a small group, when the floor is open for discussion, while extroverts jump right in with comments, we introverts are still processing our thoughts. In fact, by the time we’ve formed a response we’re comfortable sharing, discussion time is often over and the leader is saying the closing prayer.

These are sad times for us because we really had a pithy and winsome insight to share.

No, introverts are not slow, just more intricate thinkers. We carefully weigh things mentally, or as I like to say, mull. When we finally share it’s important to us that what we share is meaningful and accurate.

As Val Nelson states on the Quiet Revolution website, “Introverts prefer to think before speaking, to take in a lot of information about what’s happening in the room, and to integrate all that into a new contribution. All that internal processing doesn’t happen instantly, but it’s important, and it brings a valuable perspective to the conversation.”

Introverts may be slow to speak, but when we do, you’ll want to pause and listen.

Let’s pause for a moment of silence

As Adam McHugh suggests in his insightful book Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, many churches reward extroversion which makes introverts feel out of place, creating “environments that are intimidating and unnatural for introverts.”

What can you do to reverse that trend in your own small group ministry? How can you make sure you’re not leaving the quiet ones behind? And how can you help them contribute to a group Bible study process? Here are some tips:

1. Tolerate the natural silences and gaps in discussion times. In these moments, an introvert can gather his or her thoughts and muster up the courage to speak. Be patient.

2. Create time for reflection in group meetings. Give people a chance to write down answers to a key question. Or just give a minute of thinking time before beginning a discussion.

3. Pay attention to the introverts and check in with us to see if we have something to share. Read our face and body language to discern a desire to speak up. If we appear terror-stricken or don’t make eye contact, check in with someone else.

4. Avoid insisting that we say something. Be careful about going around a circle and having everyone respond in turn. That could strike terror in our hearts.

5. Keep in mind we might have something to say later. Circle back at the end of meetings to pick up comments that might not have been ready earlier. Again, don’t be afraid of the silence as you wait for us to speak up.

The first sentence in McHugh’s book asks, “Can introverts thrive in the church?” The answer must be, “Yes!” Why? Because we are all created in God’s image and are called to be contributing vital parts of the Body of Christ.

For those of us who are introverts, this may mean giving us a little quiet space as we express ourselves in the way God shaped us. 

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.

#14. Three things introverts fear

Being an introvert anywhere can be a challenge. Even in church! Every Sunday, those of us who are regular church-goers, experience trials that strain our introverted hearts. Here are three things that introverts in the church tend to dread at least a little.

Please come forward

Growing up in a small Pentecostal church, altar calls were practically the norm. And if you didn’t go forward, then it was assumed your soul was in mortal danger. But any time the pastor asks people to come forward, or up on the stage – or platform, chancel, or whatever your church calls it – this causes an introvert’s heart to palpitate.

Sometimes you’re asked to come forward to be recognized for something. That’s nice, but generally, introverts tend to avoid the spotlight, especially when it means being exposed in front of a lot of people. Sending us a nice card, email, or text is perfectly fine. But feel free to acknowledge us from the front while we remain in our seats. That’s nice, too.

Akin to being asked up front – and just as nerve-wracking – is to be a visitor in a church and asked to stand to be recognized. In a large church you can just remain seated and all is well. In a small church, everyone knows you’re a visitor and there’s no place to hide!

Turn and greet those around you

I like people and appreciate knowing who it is sitting near me. But still, this one is a tad taxing. If it’s just a smile and a quick handshake, great. I’ll stand in place and rotate to reach those immediately nearby. But when the person up front starts instructing us to, “Get out of your row and greet everyone around you and tell them they are loved by God and then share something wonderful that happened to you this week and then….” It’s at times such as these I suddenly feel the need to head to the restroom. Or get a second cup of coffee.

Form a circle of 3 or 4 for prayer

This is the coup de grâce for introverts. It’s especially stressful when you’re a visitor in a church and you don’t know another soul around you. Yes, I know, we’re all brothers and sisters in the Lord, but still, this is a toughie. Just the awkwardness of figuring out who gets included in a group is daunting. But then, holding strangers’ hands, taking the time to hear requests, and then actually praying out loud, can be overwhelming. This is the stuff that makes palms sweaty and minds go blank!

Please be kind!

I’m being just a tad tongue-in-cheek. Still, these examples are more appealing to extroverts than introverts.

To those who are in charge up front, please be sensitive to your quieter fellow believers in the pews. If you feel impressed to call people to the front, make it optional for those who would prefer to stay in their seats. Don’t put them on the spot. Keep the meet-and-greet instructions simple and basic. And leave the spontaneous huddle-up prayer groups for those events when you know everyone present and are certain they’ll be comfortable.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.