#32. Redeeming the unwelcome

 

Arnie Kozak writes in The Awakened Introvert that, “There is a growing recognition that introverts have gotten a bad rap for a long time. Our culture has become fascinated with action-oriented, vocal people and has overlooked the valuable contribution of the quieter members of society. There are as many ways of being an introvert as there are introverts.”

Overlooked or unwelcomed or undervalued are not fun experiences. Yet, as an introvert, this is how I’ve felt often. As a kid, it was especially hard. I was different, and being different when you’re a child is seldom a good thing. It took years before I was able to recognize what the difference was. I was an introvert!

The term wasn’t even in my vocabulary until I was well into adulthood. But discovering what it meant and then realizing this was not an aberration was liberating.

The reality that I am God’s workmanship, even as an introvert, means I have value in His eyes. He has created me this way for a reason and there is purpose for me to pursue:

“For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift— not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:8-10 (CSB)

Who we are in Christ and how we were made by Him is not our choice. Nor is it anyone else’s. We are all a gift of God to one another and to ourselves. We all have value and are made to contribute to His kingdom through the unique giftings embedded in us.

Being quiet, engaging in life with thoughtful deliberation, moving at a more measured pace are strengths that add nuanced value to the lives of those around us.

While noise may often draw attention, it is the still small voice that is heard more clearly.

Today I am thankful that God made me as I am, that I have a quiet, meditative spirit. I praise God for who I am in Him and aspire to be grateful for the way He has created others in His image, even when they are noisier than me.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.  

 

#31. Introverts aren't cowards & neither was Gideon

 “Gideon was a coward and idolater."

So declares Carmen Joy Imes in an article posted on Christianity Today on March 4, 2025. Frankly, I expect better from someone who is an associate professor of Old Testament.

Sadly, misguided beat downs on Gideon are common in sermons and articles. This comes from the persistent cultural error of insistently mistaking the quiet strength and wisdom of introverts as cowardice and hesitation.

Gideon’s story shows up beginning in the sixth chapter of Judges. To get to the idea that Gideon is a coward, the first 10 verses – offering crucial context – are skipped over and preachers go right to verse 11 where it says, “Gideon was threshing wheat in the winepress in order to hide it from the Midianites” (CSB). Then there’s the whole wet fleece, dry fleece thing at the end of the chapter.

“See!” the preacher gleefully declares. “Gideon was hiding! He was a scaredy cat! He was a coward! He was indecisive!” And this becomes the warped theme of their misleading sermons and articles.

No, Gideon was not a coward. Rather, he was a wise introvert.

Sadly, because most introverts tend to be quiet, cautious, and measured in their approach to challenging situations, others (extroverts) view them as being cowardly, hesitant, and indecisive.

This is a really wrong reading of what’s happening with both Gideon and introverts in general.

Let’s look at those oft-ignored verses in Judges 6.

The Israelites were enduring a 7-year discipline from the Lord (v. 1). This meant that “whenever the Israelites planted crops, the Midianites, Amalekites, and the people of the east came and attacked them” (v. 3), so the Israelites “made hiding places for themselves in the mountains, caves, and strongholds” (v. 2). When the marauders came, they were “like a great swarm of locusts” and “entered the land to lay waste to it” (v. 5). As a result of this, they “destroyed the produce of the land” leaving “nothing for Israel to eat” nor did they leave any “sheep, ox, or donkey” (v. 4).

Imagine you’re an Israelite in this situation. You’re trying to survive. You plant a crop, and, Boom!, here come the marauders – as thick and voracious as locusts. They take everything that’s out in the open. Your food. The animals you need to help plant and harvest crops. And, for good measure, they take animals that could be used for food or transportation.

Experiencing legitimate and reasonable fear, you hide what you can in caves and hope for the best while waiting for the marauders to move on. This was the life of the Israelites – which includes Gideon – for seven years.

It is in this context that Gideon was “hiding.” Yes, he was fearful, but this doesn’t equate to cowardice. Anyone in that situation would be fearful.

In order to try to provide food for himself and his family, Gideon very wisely chose to do his wheat threshing as quietly and discreetly as possible. Had he “bravely” done this in the open, he likely would have been caught, his food taken, and maybe even his life forfeited.

You know that phrase, “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread”? It’s not referring to introverts. True bravery understands when guerrilla warfare is the better choice over a full frontal assault.

In reality, what Gideon was doing was being bold and brave. There was still serious risk. But he was wisely doing what he could to mitigate the risk by being stealthy and vigilant. In other words, he was behaving like a shrewd introvert! God understands this when the angel of the Lord addresses Gideon saying, “The Lord is with you, valiant warrior” (v. 12). You don’t call cowardly wimps “valiant warrior!”

In the next verses Gideon demonstrates typical introvert behavior. He seeks clarification, takes measured action, responds to the Holy Spirit, seeks additional clarification, and then displays his warrior side openly.

Throughout the entire process the angel of the Lord (aka God) never reprimands, chides, or rebukes Gideon. Even with the whole fleece thing, God is patient and methodical in dealing with Gideon, and, finally, encourages Gideon, saying “Peace to you. Don’t be afraid, for you will not die” (v. 23).

Simply put, God fully sees Gideon, understands his personality (the one he, God, gave him), and deals with him in a way that is respectful of his introversion (the way, he, God, created him).

Culturally, common labels too often attached to introverts include passive, halting, indecisive, shy, tentative, and wimpy. This is because introverts are shaped to be cautious, thoughtful, methodical, quiet, and intentional. In other words, God created introverts (like Gideon) to NOT be extroverts.

The bottom line? Two things.

First, read the Bible better. The bias against Gideon has been around for decades. That he is a coward is the default view. Yet, a close and careful reading of Judges 6-8 reveals a quietly brave man doing his best to serve God within the context of his God-given personality and character.

Second, quiet is not the same as weakness. The bias against introverts and for extroverts is just as persistent. Society equates bravery with boisterousness and brash action. This is deceptive as well as not fair to introverts. Bold is not a synonym for extroversion. Both introverts and extroverts can be appropriately bold within the context of their personality type.

Gideon, the “coward,” led an army of 300 men and routed the Midianite marauders. He and his army pursued every last one, even though exhausted (v. 8:4). Don’t underestimate the persistence of an introvert once they’ve caught a clear vision!

As for the idolator part of Imes' accusation, he wasn’t the one who committed idolatry. The people asked him to be king. Instead of agreeing to be king, or suggesting everyone take a break so he could think things over, he rashly creates an “ephod” which was a kind of idol.

While the details are sketchy, Gideon takes this ephod and erects it in the city. His intention may have been to create a visual reminder of all God had done for him and his people, but instead, the ephod became an object of worship and a “snare” to those who worshipped it.

Even introverts make mistakes. Fortunately, we can confess these and find forgiveness.

Still, the story of Gideon demonstrates how God acknowledges different personality types, and deals patiently and encouragingly with an introvert.

Gideon was not an extroverted, outgoing, charismatic, or flashy warrior hero. He was, instead a quiet hero who faced a tremendous challenge successfully. Just as introvert heroes are doing daily. Look carefully and you may just spot one!

 

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.  

Read more here:

#12. Gideon (Part 1): He’s no wimp!

#13. Gideon (Part 2): Mistakes were made.

#30. Introverts getting together over the holidays

It happens every year. Holidays followed by more holidays which means gatherings of people. Usually people we love, but still people we may be challenged hanging around. It’s the way of life.

For we who are introverts, holiday gatherings are challenging for a few reasons. I wrote a post last year (#3.Relishing Thanksgiving gatherings) with a few survival tips. These include address expectations ahead of time, be rested before heading to the event, keep your attitude positive, think ahead about people you feel comfortable engaging with, understand that you can leave when you want, and, most importantly, be thankful you have loved ones to share your life with. Read the full post for details.

This year, being a fraught election year, there may be additional causes for concern. Discussions of politics can always be tricky to navigate. Recently, the people at the HolyPost sent out an email with five good suggestions (bolded below).

1. Communicate ground rules ahead of time. Decide together that politics will not become the centerpiece of your gathering, and that you’ll focus on the things that hold you together.

This tracks with understanding and setting expectations ahead of time. It’s okay to chat with the host of the event and discuss some boundaries.

2. Practice “gentle non-cooperation.” If everyone is on the same page and reinforcing each other’s frustration, outrage, fear, etc., choose not to participate in the feeding frenzy. Start a different conversation.

For introverts, when the discussion heats up, this could be a good time to take a break. Step outside for some fresh air and clear your head. Then come back in and try redirecting the discussion, even if it’s just talking about the weather. At times like these, chit-chat can be your friend!

3. Imagine that someone from “the other side” is sitting at the table. This can help check the way we speak about those we disagree with.

This tracks with the idea to keep in mind that we are all created in the image of God. Even those we disagree with are deeply loved by the Jesus we serve. He commanded us to actively love one another, in word and deed.

4. Jesus doesn’t need us to fight for him. It’s okay for us to put our swords away and let comments be said. (John 18)

The battle is the Lord’s, right? Plus, we can lean into the Holy Spirit to empower us with grace and peace when things get tense. When we think of the phrase “God is with us,” it’s important to include everyone who is His child in the “us” of that promise. We are in this faith together. Other Christians are not our enemies and gatherings really aren't battle grounds!

5. Practice the discipline of not having the last word.

Introverts can excel here. Sometimes the best response is no response. Going quiet and just listening can actually help cool down a heated exchange. Your peace, your sense of calm can be contagious. Let someone have their say, then smile, be quiet, and gently change the subject. Or, just nod, get up, and go get another piece of pumpkin pie.

 

As believers we are called to be in community with others. This is what being the body of Christ means. While it can be challenging at times, the Holy Spirit will help us get through family and other gatherings where we can be His witnesses.

And remember, these gatherings won’t last forever! After a couple of hours, you can go home and recharge while quietly enjoying a good book or a happy holiday movie!

 

 

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.  

 

#29. Introvert privilege? Hating on the meet-and-greet.

In a Facebook group catering to Christian introverts, I invited comment on what they thought about meet-and-greet times in church. The reaction? Well, in short, it’s not just disliked, it’s loathed!

What it is

The meet-and-greet is that time during the service when everything stops and someone up front instructs us to “turn to the people on your left and right, behind you and in front of you, and greet them and I don't want you to just say ‘Hi!’ or shake their hand but tell them that there's good news and that there's nothing God can't do and then maybe tell them your name as well and.....” on it goes.

This is an actual instruction given in my church one Sunday. I agree it’s a tad much. The leader doing the instructing is a well-intentioned extrovert.

An introvert leader might say simply, “Turn and greet those around you.” We like to keep things simple.

A little history

This activity grew from the “passing of the peace” that seems to have started in the Catholic church. Over the decades it’s been adopted into mostly more liturgy-leaning churches, such as Presbyterian, Lutheran, Episcopal, and so on. Congregants are simply supposed to approach those near them, shake hands, and say, “The peace of Christ.” It’s a form of blessing.

Evangelical churches, snubbing formality and embracing chaos, have adapted this into the meet-and-greet time. It’s viewed as a way to ensure newcomers are acknowledged and allow people to see who is sitting around them. You never know who slipped in late.

The goal is essentially to offer acknowledgement and encourage sociability. Each church has their own rationale and process.

On the fence

I’m ambivalent about the practice. As an introvert, it’s sometimes a bit challenging to greet strangers. On the other hand, I do want to get to know people in our church (it’s big). And I understand the importance of making newcomers feel welcomed. But some question if this is the most effective way to address newcomers.

At any rate, I can roll with it and sometimes even really get into it.

Survey says!

Thom Rainer is an expert on church revitalization and author of books such as Autopsy of a Deceased Church and Anatomy of a Revived Church. Some years ago he surveyed those inside and outside the church on various aspects of churchgoing. One thing that popped out is that 6 out of 10 church members and 9 out of 10 visitors don’t like the meet-and-greet!

So, there is data to back up the dislike of the practice. Yet, it persists. In fact, as Rainer writes about in one of his books, pastors discontinue doing it at their own peril.

People are definitely fickle. We don’t like doing it but don’t dare not let us!

Back to my introvert friends

As I said earlier, many claiming the title of introvert literally loathe the practice. Some hate it so much they’ve left their church for another that had no meet-and-greets!

This seems a little excessive to me, even for those who are very introverted. I’m guessing there’s more going on in these situations but won’t speculate here.

Here are some other comments:

• I refuse to allow someone to make me feel guilty for feeling [being uncomfortable doing this].
• I just go to the bathroom in order to avoid it.
• To me it is a forced friendliness that is fake and uncomfortable.
• They seem phony to me.
• I think it's the forced concept of it that makes us uncomfortable.
•  Greeting needs to be organic, in context, MEANINGFUL. Not a game of Simon Says.

You get the drift. In addition to being viewed as phony and forced, other choice descriptors I've heard include manipulative, controlling, hypocritical, and choreographed.

But the most offered reason for avoiding the meet-and-greet is, “It makes me uncomfortable.”

Discomfort is not always a bad thing

In this sad day and age of widespread abuse happening in churches, when something makes us uncomfortable, we do need to pay attention. We then need to discern if the discomfort is being caused by something genuinely harmful, or rather, is an opportunity for spiritual growth.

If it is something harmful, we need to speak out about it and get it addressed.

But if it’s merely something that is causing our spiritual muscles to be stretched, that’s pushing us past the edges of our comfy existence, that is the Holy Spirit nudging us to do something we wouldn’t normally choose to do, then we need to pay attention and view it as good discomfort.

Genuine spiritual growth and the process of maturity is seldom comfortable.

The danger of introvert privilege

There is danger in thinking or saying, “Because I’m an introvert I will not do this or that thing.”

We introverts are already too often viewed as reclusive, standoffish, rude, anti-social, and more because of how we are shaped as introverts.

If we react so vehemently and negatively to something as simple as taking two minutes to shake hands with a couple of people next to us during a church service, then we give power to those wrong labels. We make them legitimate.

People look at our reticence toward greeting others and declare, “See! I told you they didn’t like people and are stuck-up snobs!”

We know we’re not snobs, but our less-than-selfless behavior can make us look like we are.

A better approach

One introvert commenter understands that we are called to connect, even as introverts. She wrote, “If being an introvert has you hovering in the corner of your pew every Sunday, I challenge you to get out of that seat, seek out one person who looks like they need a friend, and go speak to them. Smile and say ‘Good Morning!’ like you mean it.”

In other words, see and acknowledge someone else the way you’d like someone else to see and acknowledge you. Just one person. It’s okay to not greet the entire congregation.

Plus, keep this in mind. Once the meet-and-greet is done, you get to sit quietly in the darkened sanctuary listening to the sermon for 20, 40, or 60 minutes and recover from those two minutes of extroverting.

Jesus commanded us to love one another. John reminds us to not love only “in word or speech, but in action and in truth” (1 John 3:18, CSB).

Being part of the community of faith means, occasionally, doing good things that make us feel a little uncomfortable. Greeting one or two people around us for two minutes on Sunday morning is a small thing that can reap big rewards.

For us, we get to express Christian love and hospitality in a safe place for a short time. For those we greet, we offer the blessing of acknowledging and seeing them. In time, the discomfort will fade as the joy of connection grows.

 

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.  

#27. Big is not better or the introvert way

Commencement and political speeches often exhort listeners to “go out there and change the world! Now!” While the intent is to inspire, changing the whole wide world all a once is a tad daunting. Couple this challenge with the mantra to “Go big or go home!” -- introverts would likely choose home. And that’s not a bad thing.

Many churches, organizations, and people focus on the big thing, the huge gesture, the over-the-top-everybody-all-at-once outreach -- and the tiny details be damned. But details are critical. Just ask any introvert who will likely say, “Let’s stop and think about this a minute.”

Big is overrated. Small is beautiful. In his book, Reversed Thunder, Eugene Peterson writes, "All day long we are doing eternally important things without knowing it." This is the introvert’s life! We excel at doing the little things quietly that others tend to not see or simply discount.

Introverts love process, breaking out the huge and complex into smaller, simpler bits, taming chaos step by patient step, understanding incremental change can yield a stronger foundation.

Still, many impatiently think the way to significance is to make a big splash all at once right now. Few actually accomplish this. Even “overnight” sensations will tell you that it took years to achieve their big breakthrough. The reality is that true “flash in the pan” stars tend to fade quickly into obscurity.

Prior to the 2019 fire, when visiting the Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, what visitors saw was an awesome, inspiring, and beautiful cathedral. After the fire, what suddenly came to light were the painstaking details that went into the construction of the cathedral over hundreds of years. It was a lot of very little things that added up to the one big thing.

While we serve a vast Kingdom, most are seldom called to do “big all-at-once things.” Even when this happens, God often tones down our idea of how to do this thing to something smaller that makes it clear that He did it through us. Just ask Gideon.

Or David. When looking at the big picture, it’s important not to lose the details. Sometimes, a carefully considered and chosen stone can, used just right, change the world.

For we introverts, a better saying could be, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!” We also take comfort in such biblical passages as “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” (Zechariah 4:10, NLT).

What many deem insignificant, introverts view as infinitely valuable. Just as Jesus did.

In Matthew 25:35-36, Jesus explains how to change the world: “‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you took care of me; I was in prison and you visited me’” (CSB).

These “little” things of offering a glass of water, seeing people others overlook, attending to the vital small stuff others eschew, pointing out potential pitfalls others ignore, pausing a moment while others rush on, these are “eternally important things” that reveal the deep value and strength of introverts.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed. 

#26. A now for a moment of silence

When discussion in a group gets quiet, people get nervous. The tendency for leaders is to immediately start speaking to “fill the gap.” As an introvert, it’s kind of fun to watch, but also a little annoying. Especially when the leader jumps in and answers their own questions!

If you are a small group leader, the odds are 50-50 that there are introverts in your group. And those introverts have a lot to say when given the time to process the discussion and share their thoughts.

Silence is not a bad thing. It provides an opportunity for introverts to reflect and process the discussion. It’s in moments of silence that we are able to formulate a comment or question.

Here are five tips for small group leaders modified slightly from an article I wrote some years ago for the American Bible Society Bible Engagement Leadership Blog on “How to lead introverts into Bible engagement”:

1. Tolerate the natural silences and gaps in discussion times. In these moments, an introvert can gather his or her thoughts and muster up the courage to speak. Be patient.

2. In fact, you might go a step further and create time for reflection in group meetings. Give people a chance to write down answers to a key question. Or just give a minute of thinking time after you’ve asked a question before beginning the discussion.

3. Pay attention to the introverts and check in with us to see if we have something to share. Read our face and body language to discern a desire to speak up. If we appear terror-stricken or don’t make eye contact, check in with someone else.

4. Avoid insisting that we say something. Be careful about going around a circle and having everyone respond in turn. That could strike terror in our hearts.

5. Keep in mind we might have something to say later. Circle back at the end of meetings to pick up comments that might not have been ready earlier. Again, don’t be afraid of the silence as you wait for us to speak up.

We are a society that tends to fill up every moment with action and noise. Sadly, eliminating silence can deafen us to the whispers of the Holy Spirit. Stifling silence in small group discussions can, ironically, silence the wisdom of those in the room we most need to hear from. Tolerating and even inviting silence into our day-to-day lives and into our small group discussions can yield big rewards.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.

#25. Introvert countenance, or The face God gave me

It’s not unusual for someone to ask me some variation of the question, “What’s wrong?” Frequently their concern comes from looking at my face. My “resting introvert face” you could call it. Or, as I like to say, it’s the face God gave me!

I don’t smile a lot. At least not those big toothy grins the portrait photographers try to coax out of us. It’s not that I don’t countenance jocularity, just that my smile is usually more of a Mona Lisa enigmatic expression. Looking back over photos of me at various ages, that’s the smile you’ll see most. With some exceptions.

Given that introverts are often lost in thought, our faces can tend to go blank-ish. Or even reflect whatever we’re mentally mulling over. As a result people look at us and assume there must be something wrong!

Nope. Not at all. In fact it’s a little annoying to be asked this question so often. But I get it that it’s hard for others to understand this is just how introverts look when we are perfectly content.

In addition to the “What’s wrong?” question, the “What are you thinking?” query pops up a lot. Generally this one leaves us looking stunned and perplexed. We aren’t sure how to answer the question and so freeze hoping that if we don’t move the questioner will just go away.

What we are thinking is complicated! And it’s seldom about one thing or even about anything clearly defined. To talk about what we’re thinking can interrupt our thinking and we are loathe to do that!

An introvert’s head is never quiet. Let me give you a little glimpse into the mind of an introvert that can yield the “resting introvert face”:

•  Mulling – It’s easy for something to catch our attention and send us into a sort of reverie. It could be a line from a book we’re reading, a scripture verse from our devotional time, something happening outside the window, an idea for an article or poem, or something the pastor said in his sermon. Anything we are seeing or hearing can trigger deep, meandering thought. Creative types tend to be this way as well. Introvert creatives amp it up a bit.

• Sorting – Dealing with the normal to-dos of life or even working on a project can lead to a need to sort things out, to identify priorities, to get the ducks aligned. It’s like managing a mental whiteboard with magnetic cards on which tasks or other information appears. We’re constantly moving the mental magnetic cards around into new arrangements as circumstances shift and new information arrives.

• Recalling – This can be pleasant or not so much so. Most people enjoy recalling pleasant moments from their past. For introverts, what often comes to mind, sometimes almost intrusively, are those moments we’d like to forget. For instance, that time in 1976 when we waved at a person we thought was a friend but it was a stranger and we had to pretend we actually knew them when they asked who we were and we felt so foolish and stupid and are re-experiencing those discomfiting emotions even now. Introverts are a little like elephants in this regard. We seldom forget a mistake, misstep, or embarrassing blunder.

• Processing – This is kind of like more intentional mulling combined with sorting usually occurring in real time. It happens a lot when taking in information during a meeting. We’re trying to understand what’s being said while evaluating it against our experience and knowledge, and at the same time form a response that makes sense and will be useful. Usually the response comes to mind about a half-dozen more agenda items into the meeting. And, yes, we’re also trying to process those other agenda items as well. When an introvert speaks up in a meeting, it’s never “off the top” of their head; it’s coming from much deeper.
  
  
• Solving – We're faced with a problem or something needing repair, etc. and are mentally engaged in running various scenarios to find the solution or best approach. It may take days but we'll get to the fix eventually.
  

While we’re quiet on the outside, the inside of an introvert’s head can be a very noisy place. Our faces may seem passive or disinterested, but our hearts and minds are fully engaged. And we’re fine with that. So the answer to the question “What’s wrong?” truly is “Nothing.” Usually.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.

 

#24. Introverts in community

The common fallacy that often mischaracterizes introverts is that we don’t like to be around people. That we just want to be alone all the time. Not so! For all followers of Jesus, community is necessary. Eugene Peterson, writing in his book Reversed Thunder, states, “A believing community is the context for the life of faith.”

In fact, in the early church, when a new epistle arrived, Peterson explains, that taking the scroll to “read in the privacy of their own rooms is not for a moment imagined.” The epistles were read out loud and discussed in community with everyone gathered together.

Today, while it’s perfectly okay to have private devotionals each morning and daily Bible study on your own, true isolation is still not an option for believers. Even for introverts.

While introverts generally enjoy being around others, being alone is also very comfortable. The social media challenges that pop up now and then, asking if you could live on a desert island for a month for a million dollars is a no-brainer for us! Of course we could. And for free.

So, it’s important for us to manage our alone time, ensuring we mix it up with our fellow believers regularly.

In Introverts in the Church (2^nd ed.), Adam McHugh writes, “It’s in community that we learn how to love, how to serve, how to listen, how to forgive.” And the oft quoted verse, Hebrews 10:25, cautions “do not forsake assembling together.”

How do we do this? By being intentional about regularly getting together with other believers. Here are four ways to accomplish this.

Weekly church. Sundays are important. This is the Lord’s Day, and we are most glad in it when we are with our brothers and sisters at church. In church we hear the word of God, worship, learn, and sing together. The idea of “assembling” mentioned in Hebrews holds a double meaning. Individually, the pressures of the work week can make us feel disassembled spiritually and scattered emotionally. Assembling with the body on Sundays is a good way to reassemble our own lives. Wholeness is found in fellowship. And fellowship is best when it’s in-person. Watching a service online is fine now and then. But it’s not the same as being together with the body of Christ. All who are physically able need to get out of the house and into church on Sunday.

Small groups. While seeing everyone on Sundays is great, small groups allow for more intimacy. It’s in a small group that we can really get to know a few others, as well as let ourselves be known. It’s in a small group where questions lingering from the Sunday sermon can be answered. Where you can engage in deeper conversations about faith and the Bible. Where vital relationships can be established and nurtured. Small groups don’t have to be big or formal programs. Years ago, I was invited to hang out weekly with three other men. The four of us met at a local Starbucks to share what was happening in our lives, talk about life, and pray for one another. Some weeks, because of commitments, only two of us made it. It was exactly what I needed during that time in my life. If you can’t find a group to be part of, find a couple of “kindred spirits” and start your own group.

Service. Serving is essential for good spiritual health. When we accept Christ, the Holy Spirit imparts to everyone at least one spiritual gift. The gifts are meant for the building up of the body of Christ. Serving can be as simple as sending encouraging notes, or more intense such as teaching a weekly Sunday school class. For example, my wife and I have only been attending our current church for about a year. As we attended each Sunday, we listened as needs were mentioned, attended a Sunday connect group, and got to know as many people as we could. Now, my wife (the extrovert) is helping in children's and women’s ministry. I (the introvert) am writing sermon discussion guides as well as helping in men’s ministry and our Sunday connect group. And we are hosting and leading a weekly small group in our home. There are a million and one ways to serve. Find at least one thing you can do and do it for the glory of the Lord.

Friends. A great way for an introvert to grow is to make an extrovert friend. Where introverts want to slow things down, extroverts tend to be full speed ahead. Getting together can be a good way to even out the extremes. Extroverts can learn the value of solitude and meditation on the Word from introverts. Introverts can become more understanding of and patient with extroverts by hanging out together. But we all need someone we can turn to for advice, encouragement, and accountability. Introverts need at least one close friend they can see on a regular basis.

The bottom line for we introverts is that we need others in our lives and we need to leave home now and then to connect with those others. Peterson cautions, “The gospel is never for individuals, but always for people. Sin fragments us, separates us, and sentences us to solitary confinement. Gospel restores us, unites us, and sets us in community.”

We only “get it together” when we are together.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.