#27. Big is not better or the introvert way

Commencement and political speeches often exhort listeners to “go out there and change the world! Now!” While the intent is to inspire, changing the whole wide world all a once is a tad daunting. Couple this challenge with the mantra to “Go big or go home!” -- introverts would likely choose home. And that’s not a bad thing.

Many churches, organizations, and people focus on the big thing, the huge gesture, the over-the-top-everybody-all-at-once outreach -- and the tiny details be damned. But details are critical. Just ask any introvert who will likely say, “Let’s stop and think about this a minute.”

Big is overrated. Small is beautiful. In his book, Reversed Thunder, Eugene Peterson writes, "All day long we are doing eternally important things without knowing it." This is the introvert’s life! We excel at doing the little things quietly that others tend to not see or simply discount.

Introverts love process, breaking out the huge and complex into smaller, simpler bits, taming chaos step by patient step, understanding incremental change can yield a stronger foundation.

Still, many impatiently think the way to significance is to make a big splash all at once right now. Few actually accomplish this. Even “overnight” sensations will tell you that it took years to achieve their big breakthrough. The reality is that true “flash in the pan” stars tend to fade quickly into obscurity.

Prior to the 2019 fire, when visiting the Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, what visitors saw was an awesome, inspiring, and beautiful cathedral. After the fire, what suddenly came to light were the painstaking details that went into the construction of the cathedral over hundreds of years. It was a lot of very little things that added up to the one big thing.

While we serve a vast Kingdom, most are seldom called to do “big all-at-once things.” Even when this happens, God often tones down our idea of how to do this thing to something smaller that makes it clear that He did it through us. Just ask Gideon.

Or David. When looking at the big picture, it’s important not to lose the details. Sometimes, a carefully considered and chosen stone can, used just right, change the world.

For we introverts, a better saying could be, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!” We also take comfort in such biblical passages as “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” (Zechariah 4:10, NLT).

What many deem insignificant, introverts view as infinitely valuable. Just as Jesus did.

In Matthew 25:35-36, Jesus explains how to change the world: “‘For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took me in; I was naked and you clothed me; I was sick and you took care of me; I was in prison and you visited me’” (CSB).

These “little” things of offering a glass of water, seeing people others overlook, attending to the vital small stuff others eschew, pointing out potential pitfalls others ignore, pausing a moment while others rush on, these are “eternally important things” that reveal the deep value and strength of introverts.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed. 

#26. A now for a moment of silence

When discussion in a group gets quiet, people get nervous. The tendency for leaders is to immediately start speaking to “fill the gap.” As an introvert, it’s kind of fun to watch, but also a little annoying. Especially when the leader jumps in and answers their own questions!

If you are a small group leader, the odds are 50-50 that there are introverts in your group. And those introverts have a lot to say when given the time to process the discussion and share their thoughts.

Silence is not a bad thing. It provides an opportunity for introverts to reflect and process the discussion. It’s in moments of silence that we are able to formulate a comment or question.

Here are five tips for small group leaders modified slightly from an article I wrote some years ago for the American Bible Society Bible Engagement Leadership Blog on “How to lead introverts into Bible engagement”:

1. Tolerate the natural silences and gaps in discussion times. In these moments, an introvert can gather his or her thoughts and muster up the courage to speak. Be patient.

2. In fact, you might go a step further and create time for reflection in group meetings. Give people a chance to write down answers to a key question. Or just give a minute of thinking time after you’ve asked a question before beginning the discussion.

3. Pay attention to the introverts and check in with us to see if we have something to share. Read our face and body language to discern a desire to speak up. If we appear terror-stricken or don’t make eye contact, check in with someone else.

4. Avoid insisting that we say something. Be careful about going around a circle and having everyone respond in turn. That could strike terror in our hearts.

5. Keep in mind we might have something to say later. Circle back at the end of meetings to pick up comments that might not have been ready earlier. Again, don’t be afraid of the silence as you wait for us to speak up.

We are a society that tends to fill up every moment with action and noise. Sadly, eliminating silence can deafen us to the whispers of the Holy Spirit. Stifling silence in small group discussions can, ironically, silence the wisdom of those in the room we most need to hear from. Tolerating and even inviting silence into our day-to-day lives and into our small group discussions can yield big rewards.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.

#25. Introvert countenance, or The face God gave me

It’s not unusual for someone to ask me some variation of the question, “What’s wrong?” Frequently their concern comes from looking at my face. My “resting introvert face” you could call it. Or, as I like to say, it’s the face God gave me!

I don’t smile a lot. At least not those big toothy grins the portrait photographers try to coax out of us. It’s not that I don’t countenance jocularity, just that my smile is usually more of a Mona Lisa enigmatic expression. Looking back over photos of me at various ages, that’s the smile you’ll see most. With some exceptions.

Given that introverts are often lost in thought, our faces can tend to go blank-ish. Or even reflect whatever we’re mentally mulling over. As a result people look at us and assume there must be something wrong!

Nope. Not at all. In fact it’s a little annoying to be asked this question so often. But I get it that it’s hard for others to understand this is just how introverts look when we are perfectly content.

In addition to the “What’s wrong?” question, the “What are you thinking?” query pops up a lot. Generally this one leaves us looking stunned and perplexed. We aren’t sure how to answer the question and so freeze hoping that if we don’t move the questioner will just go away.

What we are thinking is complicated! And it’s seldom about one thing or even about anything clearly defined. To talk about what we’re thinking can interrupt our thinking and we are loathe to do that!

An introvert’s head is never quiet. Let me give you a little glimpse into the mind of an introvert that can yield the “resting introvert face”:

•  Mulling – It’s easy for something to catch our attention and send us into a sort of reverie. It could be a line from a book we’re reading, a scripture verse from our devotional time, something happening outside the window, an idea for an article or poem, or something the pastor said in his sermon. Anything we are seeing or hearing can trigger deep, meandering thought. Creative types tend to be this way as well. Introvert creatives amp it up a bit.

• Sorting – Dealing with the normal to-dos of life or even working on a project can lead to a need to sort things out, to identify priorities, to get the ducks aligned. It’s like managing a mental whiteboard with magnetic cards on which tasks or other information appears. We’re constantly moving the mental magnetic cards around into new arrangements as circumstances shift and new information arrives.

• Recalling – This can be pleasant or not so much so. Most people enjoy recalling pleasant moments from their past. For introverts, what often comes to mind, sometimes almost intrusively, are those moments we’d like to forget. For instance, that time in 1976 when we waved at a person we thought was a friend but it was a stranger and we had to pretend we actually knew them when they asked who we were and we felt so foolish and stupid and are re-experiencing those discomfiting emotions even now. Introverts are a little like elephants in this regard. We seldom forget a mistake, misstep, or embarrassing blunder.

• Processing – This is kind of like more intentional mulling combined with sorting usually occurring in real time. It happens a lot when taking in information during a meeting. We’re trying to understand what’s being said while evaluating it against our experience and knowledge, and at the same time form a response that makes sense and will be useful. Usually the response comes to mind about a half-dozen more agenda items into the meeting. And, yes, we’re also trying to process those other agenda items as well. When an introvert speaks up in a meeting, it’s never “off the top” of their head; it’s coming from much deeper.
  
  
• Solving – We're faced with a problem or something needing repair, etc. and are mentally engaged in running various scenarios to find the solution or best approach. It may take days but we'll get to the fix eventually.
  

While we’re quiet on the outside, the inside of an introvert’s head can be a very noisy place. Our faces may seem passive or disinterested, but our hearts and minds are fully engaged. And we’re fine with that. So the answer to the question “What’s wrong?” truly is “Nothing.” Usually.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.