Quietly Faithful

Monday, January 15, 2024

#11. Why this is important

The full title of this column is “Quietly Faithful: Being a Christian Introvert.” The goal of the column as stated in the very first entry, is to “explore the world of introverts, examine why we are different, discover ways to manage and thrive, and learn that it’s very okay to be how God has made us.”

This is what we’ve done for the past 10 weeks. But some readers – particularly extroverts – may be wondering why this is important.

It affects how we perceive and treat one another

In their book, Type Talk (1988), authors Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Thuesen explain, “…it’s almost second nature for us to pigeonhole and catalog people around us, though not always accurately or positively.”

We know this is true. We meet someone new, watch how they behave, and label them as outgoing, shy, chatty, cute, boring, sweet, rude, goofy, or something else. These on-the-spot labelings are based on brief and mostly inaccurate assessments. Yet they stick. Kind of like that nickname you hate that’s followed you all the way from grade school.

By having a basic understanding of personality types, our understanding of one another gains depth and accuracy. Knowing the basic traits that mark introverts and extroverts, we can recognize how these play out in social setting. Instead of viewing someone as stand-offish, we can recognize their introversion and know they just need time to become comfortable in a new situation. By understanding what drives extroverts, we can see them as gregarious rather than obnoxious.

It affects how we recognize and use our giftings

The MBTI was developed by Katherine Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs Myers during World War II. In the book Type Talk, the authors share that this grew out of observing “that many people in the war effort were working in tasks unsuited to their abilities.” This happens in churches a lot. It’s due to individuals not fully understanding how they are gifted coupled with the frequent need to fill slots with volunteers, aka any “warm and willing body.”

If you’ve ever been matched to a task for which you were not suited, you understand the frustration that ensues. Even though you have a heart to serve, doing this task is a grind. You feel guilty every time you recognize you’re dreading serving in the role.

It affects how we read and understand the Bible

Karen Jobes, in her excellent book, Esther: The NIV Application Commentary (1999) states, “We can gain valuable insights from listening to readings of the biblical texts from others who have been shaped by experiences significantly different from our own.”

When it comes to understanding scripture, context is king! Part of context is understanding, as much as we are able, the personality types of the characters. Or, at least viewing them through both extrovert and introvert lenses. Doing so can open up new insight into familiar passages.

Many people view Gideon in the Bible as lacking courage. In the next two columns, we’re going to take a closer look at Gideon as an introvert who is truly a mighty warrior of God. Those who think him cowardly are likely looking at his story through the eyes of an extrovert.

Taking the time to understand and appreciate the God-given differences each of us possess is all part of loving others as ourselves and acting with unity as the body of Christ.

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.

Monday, January 8, 2024

#10. Just get over it!

Over the years, introversion has gotten a bad rap, especially in the church. Introverts were viewed as shy, timid, fearful, and a bunch of other not-so-flattering adjectives. Sadly, that’s still the case.

I recently read an article by a pastor/leader that was placed in a prominent online ministry journal. The overall message was intended to encourage congregants to be welcoming to newcomers. A noble and valid topic.

However, the author was specifically addressing those who leaned toward reticence. Those who found it challenging to put themselves out to say hello to strangers. His remedy? He told them to just “get over it.”

In the article he implies those who don’t greet as being cold and unfriendly. He also uses timid, shy, and introvert as synonyms.

Where to begin!?

Introversion is not something to just “get over”

No one ever likes to be told to “just get over it” no matter what “it” is. For introverts (and extroverts) this isn’t even possible. These are traits that are hard-wired into us. While an introvert can choose to act in what are viewed as extroverted ways, we will always be an introvert. Science is on our side, too.

In her book, The Introvert Advantage, Dr, Marti Olsen Laney devotes several pages, with illustrations, explaining the complex physical differences between introverts and extroverts. These involve differences in blood-flow to the brain as well as differing chemical triggers. In short, introverts have longer neural pathways and respond more positively to acetylchlorine rather than dopamine/adrenaline. We can’t just “get over” the unique ways God has fearfully and wonderfully made us. Nor should we try.

Introversion is not the same as timidity and shyness

When it comes to timidity and shyness, these are not characteristics of introverts. They are behaviors, often fear-based, that anyone can exhibit, even extroverts. The fear behind these can be multifaceted and vary from person to person. These are indeed behaviors and states of mind that can be overcome and managed. But even the most extroverted extrovert can be challenged by shyness or timidity. The terms are not at all synonymous with introversion.

Introversion is not an ailment

I shared my thoughts in an email with the author of the article. He still didn’t get it. His response referred to introversion as a “condition.” Viewing introversion this way feeds the wrong idea that introversion is something one can and should “cure.” Introversion is not an ailment that needs fixing.

Thinking wrongly of introversion as a condition or ailment implies that introverts are somehow – in comparison to extroverts – broken, damaged, not-quite-right. It comes from our cultural bias toward extroversion. Churches love extroverted leaders – particularly in the roles of worship and youth leaders. Yet it’s been shown over and over that quiet leaders can be just as effective as not-so-quiet leaders.

Introverts are a gift to the body of Christ

God has created introverts and extroverts to be different for a reason. Extroverts make wonderful, outgoing greeters. Introverts are essential to behind-the-scenes stability. Given that the gifts of the Holy Spirit vary and that each believer has a unique calling, forcing everyone into a single role isn’t scriptural and doesn’t even make sense. We honor God’s creative intentions when we respect the differences each of us brings to his church.

Next week, we’ll look at why all of this is important.

Monday, January 1, 2024

#9. Be ye [resolved] affirmed

Ah, New Year’s day. The time of new beginnings and starting over. We look back on what was and might have been, while looking forward to what we long for. Many of us will write long lists of longings we aim to hit in this shiny new year.

Often these lists grow out of things we want to change from. Our attempts to turn failings into successes. To rid ourselves of perceived bad habits and build new good ones.

How about this year we, instead, we embrace affirmations of who we are as introverts?

Embrace solitude. It’s okay to be alone, to take time to reflect and meditate. In fact, it’s very Christ-like. More than once, scripture tells us that Jesus went off by himself to pray and be alone. He would not only seek solitude, but he would send others away! Matthew 14:23 states clearly, “After dismissing the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. Well into the night, he was there alone” (CSB).

Embrace being quiet. The best listening happens when we’re quiet. This is true when we’re one-on-one with a friend, in a small group, or participating in meeting. Being quiet and focusing on others allows us to get a better read on who they are and what’s happening. As Proverbs 13:3 cautions, “The one who guards his mouth protects his life; the one who opens his lips invites his own ruin.” When we do speak, we will speak to what’s needed and our comments will be measured and wise.

Embrace leaving. Interactions, even those we truly enjoy, drain us. When we engage, we tend to engage wholeheartedly. But we know that without taking time to withdraw and recharge, we’ll become ragged and useless. At gatherings, to avoid overstimulation, it’s okay to step aside and regroup. It’s okay to excuse yourself from a heated exchange, to insist on a time out. It’s okay to leave a meeting or party when overwhelmed or exhausted. Hebrews 4:9-11 reminds us, “...a Sabbath rest remains for God’s people. For the person who has entered his rest has rested from his own works, just as God did from his. Let us, then, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall into the same pattern of disobedience.”

Embrace saying no. No one can do everything or be all things to all people. This is especially true for introverts. Introverts have a driving propensity to help where help is needed. Saying no can be very uncomfortable. But it’s necessary if we want to be effective when we say yes! When confronted with opportunities, we need to bring all our introvert skills to bear to discern where God wants us to be. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding;in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.”.

Dear fellow introvert, may 2024 be your best year ever! Cheers!

Monday, December 25, 2023

#8. We come bearing gifts

To paraphrase Nathanael when he commented on Jesus (John 1:46), “Can anything good come from introverts?” Historically, the answer to that question was, “Of course not!” But how people are viewing introverts, recognizing their value, has shifted a lot in past decades and continues to improve. As it should!

Contributing to this shift in perspective, in 2001, Jim Collins released the book, Good to Great. In it he reveals a stunning discovery. He states, “We were surprised, shocked really, to discover the type of leadership required for turning a good company into a great one. Compared to high-profile leaders with big personalities who make headlines and become celebrities, the good-to-great leaders seem to have come from Mars. Self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy--these leaders are a paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will.”

Who knew? Effective leaders are introverts! So, yes, a lot of good can come from introverts. Just in time for Christmas, here are gifts introverts have to offer:

Calming. Being frantic and frazzled tends to generate more anxiety. In the midst of chaos, introverts can help you slow down, breathe, and center. They can help reign in extroverts who may be rushing a decision or action. They’re like the coach in the movie Hoosiers who encouraged his players to pass the ball and be patient before taking a shot at the basket. If, dear extrovert, you’re feeling a little frenzied, seek out an introvert friend who can help you relax and refocus.

Perceptive. Failing to understand what’s going on behind the scenes leads to confusion and distraction. Introverts often can perceive what others don’t see, such as subtle group dynamics, hidden agendas, mixed motives, and underlying hurts that are otherwise invisible to extroverts. Introverts can also often foresee potential challenges to a particular course of action since they think differently, tending to carefully examine ideas and proposals from a variety of angles. If you’re in need of some clarity on a situation, seek out an introvert friend who can help your sort out your dilemma.

True. In his book, Introverts in the Church, Adam McHugh stated “Introverts treasure the relationships they have stretched so much to make.” Introverts don’t have dozens of friends, but the friends they have are treasured. Introverts will be tenaciously true (loyal) to their friends. They love deeply from the heart (1 Peter 1:22). If you’re feeling unloved or shunned, seek out an introvert friend who values you for who you are.

Creative. Everyone is inherently creative. Introverts, however, draw from a deep well of emotion and experience to deliver unique results. Introverts have an almost uncanny ability to make connections that others miss. This allows for resolving complex problems in unforeseen ways and providing fresh expression to stale ideas. If you need a fresh take on the mundane, seek out an introvert friend for a new perspective.

Please feel free to enjoy the gifts we introverts of the world bring to you. Just unwrap them quietly and handle them with care.

Monday, December 18, 2023

#7. Are you talking to me?

Moving into a new situation can be challenging, especially for an introvert. When starting a new job, you don’t know anyone, don’t know where the supplies are, don’t know the culture or hierarchy, and may barely know where your desk is and where the bathrooms are! It’s a similar experience going to a new church.

As Donald Rumsfeld might have said, in a new situation, “There are known knowns. But there are also unknown unknowns—the things we don't know we don't know.”

New experiences are full of unknown unknowns! Introverts are not comfortable with the unknown. Given that introverts can become exhausted from too much input, it makes sense that a new situation can feel overwhelming. There’s a lot to learn and take in.

One way to ease the discomfort is to view the new situation as an opportunity to “spy out the land.” Yes, just like Moses sending spies to discover what’s what in the Promised Land (Numbers 13). Besides, people watching can be fun!

Whenever I find myself in a new situation, my go-to behavior is full-on introvert. I listen, observe, and remain as quiet as possible, almost invisible. I listen and observe to gather intel. Information is an introvert’s friend! The more we know the better we can relax in our environment.

If you’re inviting someone to an event who you know is an introvert, give them as much information as you can. The more they know in advance, the more likely they are to show up and engage.

Here’s a really interesting truth about introverts. Once we feel comfortable and safe in the new setting, we’ll become increasingly visible and start speaking up. There are often two reactions when we do: (1) It startles those around us as we’re suddenly very seen and vocal. (2) We are able to provide deep insights and valuable contributions.

As an introvert, I’ll often be quiet at the start of meetings. Listening and processing what’s being said. When I believe I have something of value to add, I’ll speak up. In fact, if the meeting topic is something I’m familiar with and passionate about (like a Bible study), I can become a chatty introvert!

Years ago I worked at AT&T developing proposals. One day in a staff meeting, the discussion got very intense. And I was right in the thick of it! Afterwards my boss looked at me smiling and said, “Who are you?” His point was that on this day a different Stephen showed up.

This is not unusual. Introverts learn to navigate the world and know how and when to be assertive and more “extroverted” in their behavior. Our speaking up can catch people off guard. They may ask, “Are you talking to me?” Yes, we are talking to you, and what we have to say is worth hearing. We’re still fully introverts and later will need to be quiet and recharge. We also have a valuable voice and know how to use it when given space.

Monday, December 11, 2023

#6. Home, home on the range

Recently I asked a few friends to tell me how they saw themselves, as an introvert or extrovert. And, also, how they came to that conclusion. Most claimed to be introvert or at least introvert-leaning. All based their determination of type on whether or not they liked hanging out with people. And a few claimed to be ambiverts, meaning they believed they could take on either role equally.

Being an introvert or extrovert doesn’t mean you are all one and none of the other. The reality is that there is a range of behavior and other factors that make up both styles. While we may feel most at home on the introvert end of the range (or spectrum or continuum), all introverts will exhibit varying degrees of extroverting over their lifetimes.

Still, once an introvert always an introvert. While over time an introvert may become more and more comfortable tackling extrovert roles, we really don’t change from introvert to extrovert, or vice versa.

Introverts that can behave or function like an extrovert are also not necessarily ambiverts. In fact, I would say in most instances this is not the case.

I am a hard core introvert, yet I am also able to function--for a limited period of time--in a very extroverted way. I can lead small groups, facilitate events, preach, and schmooze. More than once in these situations when I’ve outed myself as an introvert, those present didn’t believe me. What they saw of me looks very extroverted to them.

When introverts are doing something they are passionate about, we are able to move on the range more toward the extroversion side. We are able to do this in part because we can envision a discrete period of time that will come to an end. We are thrilled when you show up for the event we’re leading, but we are also relieved when we can all go home!

So, yes, an introvert can be in a situation requiring them to behave in a very extroverted way, but they are still an introvert. They will eventually need solitude and down time to recharge.

It’s also not about people, it’s about the number of interactions. In her book, Introvert Power, Dr. Laurie Helgoe explains that extroverts are “able to accommodate a large number of interactions.” While introverts “fill up” on fewer interactions. Introverts “prefer spacious interactions with fewer people.”

In other words, introverts love having meaningful interactions with fewer people. In the space (time) in between those interactions, as the introvert thinks about and savors them, they are deepened. Extroverts, on the other hand, “wrap up interactions in the interaction.” Kind of like, out of sight out of mind.

It’s normal to be able to move up and down (or right and left, depending how you envision it) on the range as circumstances require. Where you feel most at home, most yourself, most whole on the introvert-extrovert range will indicate which you are. And whichever you are, it is good!

Monday, December 4, 2023

#5. Mary, did you know you’re an introvert?

A loved and also derided song that pops up a lot this time of year is “Mary, Did You Know?” It asks of Mary, the mother of Jesus, such rhetorical questions as did she know her son would one day walk on water, heal the blind, and basically save the world.

Author Adam McHugh might add to this list the question, “Mary, did you know you were an introvert?”

While it’s possible to look at characters in the Bible and speculate as to their introversion of extroversion, we can’t definitively label any one way or the other. But we can suss out some clear markers of both personality types.

For example, the Apostle Peter is one of the clearer examples of extrovert behavior in the Bible. In his book, Introverts in the Church, McHugh writes, “Peter stands out as a man with highly extroverted tendencies. He was upfront and aggressive, quick to speak and quick to act.”

But what about Mary? Of her, McHugh observes that she “showed a reflective, introspective side as she ‘treasured all these things in her heart’ (Luke 2:51).”

But is this enough to declare her an introvert?

In the Matthew version of the Christmas story (chapters 1-2), while Mary is clearly a character in the story of Jesus’ birth, Matthew places her in the center of the action but she doesn’t speak. Joseph takes the lead in all that’s happening. She could be characterized as passive and withdrawn. However, neither of these characteristics is a true sign of introversion.

Luke (chapters 1-2), however, casts Mary a little differently. We see her encounter with the angel Gabriel and her reaction described as “she was deeply troubled by this statement, wondering what kind of greeting this could be” (Luke 1:29, CSB).

She listens carefully and then seeks more information from Gabriel saying, “How can this be [being pregnant], since I have not had sexual relations with a man? (1:34)” Note that she is not at all questioning what she’s been told, but simply seeking clarification on an important detail.

Gabriel patiently explains and then broadens the context of what’s happening to include Mary’s relative, Elizabeth who is pregnant with John the Baptist. Mary visits Elizabeth, perhaps to validate what she’s been told, and then commemorates what’s happening with poetry!

Finally, Jesus is born and shepherds show up telling an amazing story about how they were directed to seek out the newborn babe. How did Mary respond? Verse 2:19 states, “But Mary was treasuring up all these things in her heart and meditating on them.”

Listening carefully, seeking clarification, validating information, expressing emotions and praise in poetry, and then quietly observing, taking everything in, and meditating (or mulling) on what’s happening -- these are all clear introvert markers.

My point? Introversion is a good thing. It is a valid way of being. Introverts can be (and have been) powerfully, even though quietly, used of God to further the gospel and accomplish great things for his kingdom on earth.