#26. A now for a moment of silence

When discussion in a group gets quiet, people get nervous. The tendency for leaders is to immediately start speaking to “fill the gap.” As an introvert, it’s kind of fun to watch, but also a little annoying. Especially when the leader jumps in and answers their own questions!

If you are a small group leader, the odds are 50-50 that there are introverts in your group. And those introverts have a lot to say when given the time to process the discussion and share their thoughts.

Silence is not a bad thing. It provides an opportunity for introverts to reflect and process the discussion. It’s in moments of silence that we are able to formulate a comment or question.

Here are five tips for small group leaders modified slightly from an article I wrote some years ago for the American Bible Society Bible Engagement Leadership Blog on “How to lead introverts into Bible engagement”:

1. Tolerate the natural silences and gaps in discussion times. In these moments, an introvert can gather his or her thoughts and muster up the courage to speak. Be patient.

2. In fact, you might go a step further and create time for reflection in group meetings. Give people a chance to write down answers to a key question. Or just give a minute of thinking time after you’ve asked a question before beginning the discussion.

3. Pay attention to the introverts and check in with us to see if we have something to share. Read our face and body language to discern a desire to speak up. If we appear terror-stricken or don’t make eye contact, check in with someone else.

4. Avoid insisting that we say something. Be careful about going around a circle and having everyone respond in turn. That could strike terror in our hearts.

5. Keep in mind we might have something to say later. Circle back at the end of meetings to pick up comments that might not have been ready earlier. Again, don’t be afraid of the silence as you wait for us to speak up.

We are a society that tends to fill up every moment with action and noise. Sadly, eliminating silence can deafen us to the whispers of the Holy Spirit. Stifling silence in small group discussions can, ironically, silence the wisdom of those in the room we most need to hear from. Tolerating and even inviting silence into our day-to-day lives and into our small group discussions can yield big rewards.

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.