#22. No, that’s not what an introvert is!

In a recent interaction on social media about introverts in church, Wayne queried, “If I'm introverted why would I be involved in any social circle, why would I post anything? Why would I raise my hand? Why would I bring attention to myself?”

Several of us quickly responded, trying to explain that this isn’t how introversion works. Unfortunately, the malformed idea that being an introvert means being a reticent recluse still persists.

Let’s look at the four parts of Wayne’s question: social interaction, sharing ideas, being assertive, and seeking attention.

Social interaction: What Wayne was asking is, if someone is an introvert, how could they engage in social interaction? The simple answer is that introverts are not shy wall-flowers. Many assume that introversion is synonymous with shyness. Not so! Even extroverts can be shy. Timidity and shyness are fear-based behaviors that can be addressed and changed. Introversion and extroversion are personality styles that are hard-baked into us. Introverts do enjoy and even seek out social interaction. We like people, we like to talk with people, we enjoy being around people. The difference is that we don’t enjoy large groups of people all at once, or extended interactions. These are activities that drain our energy. After we’ve enjoyed someone’s company for awhile, we need to retreat and recharge in solitude for a time. And then, we’re happy to reengage!

Sharing ideas: Often, because we tend to be quiet, introverts are viewed as not having anything to share. Not true! Ideas, opinions, comments and more are always churning in our brains. In fact, inside our heads is often a very noisy place! We have a lot to say, it just takes us more time to formulate how we want to say it. Social media is actually a good place for us to share. It allows us to post our thoughts in writing when we feel they are fully formed. We can also take our time to respond to any reactions to our post.

Being assertive: Related to sharing our ideas, we introverts, over time, learn that to be heard in a group – for example, in a department meeting at work – we need to be a little assertive. Being quiet in general can lead to us being overlooked when we have something to share. This means we have to put ourselves out there a bit, raise our hand, and even sometimes raise our voices a little in order to be seen and heard. It’s a challenge for us, but it is something we can do when it’s important to us. We can be quietly persistent until we’re noticed and allowed to share our thoughts. Later, we’ll go home and take a nap since being assertive really drains our emotional and physical batteries!

Seeking attention: On the other hand, we aren’t big on seeking the recognition spotlight. While, like anyone, we appreciate being acknowledged for our contributions, we don’t need to be fussed over. Receiving an award for something is always nice, but having to get up in front of people and give a speech isn’t necessary. Yes, we will be quietly assertive as appropriate to get our ideas and opinions across, but then we’re happy to step back onto the sidelines where we can get to work. It’s a bonus when someone quietly mentions to us, “I see what you did. Good job!”

However, keep in mind that introversion is a range of behavior. Each person will vary in how they seek or avoid recognition, assert themselves, share ideas, and interact with others. Introversion is not one-size-fits-all!

 

Agree? Disagree? Love it? Hate it? Have a question about this blog or this post? Email me at Stephen@QuietlyFaithful.com or leave a comment below. Share your story about being a Christian introvert or let me know a specific topic you’d like to see addressed.